the angel that saved me
by LUXEMBOURG
Summary: ludwig returns from a war where he losses himself alexandra is a single mom and a nurse, by some sort of mirical they meet and alexandra and luwdig learn they cant fix eachother if they cant fix themselves a gerlux story warning not for those weak of heart
1. Chapter 1

The angel that saved me

**This is a gerlux story, which means Germany x Luxembourg. Here is a back story for you. The time is during world war three between the crusaders (America, Germany, England, France, Denmark) versus the templar's (Iraq, Serbia, china, and Afghanistan) *this is totally fake and not at all legit I made it up for the stories sake* this will be rated m-ish depending my mood. Language, war, violence and sex, I do not own Hetalia.**

I woke with a start, the visions of my last battle still very real in my mind. My heart was beating fast, my palms shaking as they reached for a gun that was not to be found on my hip. If I could see myself, I would venture to guess I looked frantic, insane, and very much scared. I swiveled my eyes around the room shrouded in a thick wall of shadows. They soon fell upon my alarm clock, 1:30 am, only an hour and a half of sleep. This didn't surprise me much, after the incident with my unit, I was sent home and there I would spend countless hours awake, sleep would never come and when it did it was brief and painful.

I lay back and stare at the ceiling fan, counting the blades as they rotate, just like those on a chopper, the one that came too late. I let an angry growl leave my throat as I kicked my way out of the covers and slammed my feet onto the cold floor. Rising I walked to my closet and grabbed my army cargo pants and a wife beater. As soon as I was dressed I scrawled two quick letters, one to however next enter my house, and one for my neighbor elizabetha. I tugged on my leather jacket and with a final look at my belongings I walked out the door.

I wandered the streets for awhile just thinking, that's really all I could do to keep their burning and screaming faces out of my mind. I didn't bother to take my car, it would serve me no purpose, not where I'm going. After the chill set into my bones I looked up finally to see how far I had wandered. I was shocked, know I had been walking for a long time but I hadn't realized I walked nearly 10 miles. I looked around trying to zero in on my location, that's when I saw the bar sign. Alcohol that's what I needed, something that will help take away the pain until I accomplish my goal.

I walked in and the smell of sweat, tears, and liquor assaulted my nostrils, perfect. Slowly making my way to the bar I sat down and ordered the hardest drinks they had. After I had knocked a couple back I took a look around the bar, there was a lot of people, many looked angry and hurt, others looked happy and having the time of their lives. However despite all of these people only one stood out in the crowed. She was a small woman, pixie like and fragile. She had long brown hair and violet eyes, those eyes I could tell she had a story, not that it mattered. She caught me looking at her and something flickered in her eyes then it was gone.

I turned my back to her, what was the point I wouldn't be here much longer anyway. After I finished the last of my drink I decided it was finally time I took care of my last duty, and I knew exactly where I was going to go. I paid the bar keep and thanked him for his kindness, then grabbing my coat I walked into the bitter cold air and made my way to the bridge.

~~~~~~~~~~pov shift~~~~`~~~~

Why had I come here? I kept asking myself as I sipped my soda. I needed time to think but I just couldn't anywhere I went. I wasn't having fun like the girls said I would, I watched as they danced with some guys. I sighed and looked around when I spotted a man sitting at the bar. He had blonde hair and from where I was sitting I could tell he had blue eyes. I wondered why he was here, then I noticed his pants, military issue, he was a soldier. I felt my sadness fall on my shoulders again as I remembered my boyfriend, well I guess he's an ex now.

I looked up again when I felt a pair of eyes on me. It was the solider his intense blue eyes were looking me over, and I recognized something in his eyes, an unbearable pain and agony. My heart fluttered a bit in sympathy, I could understand. However the more I looked at him the more it dawned upon me that he had lost something, something important. He soon turned back to his drink, and I, well I watched him. When he had finished I watched him leave and something in me really hoped he was going home.

I didn't feel right, letting him leave, not with that look in his eyes. I know he was a stranger but something was telling me to follow him, like something hung in the balance. So deciding to trust my instincts I left a note for Bella and grabbed my jacket and exited the bar. I was out of luck he was gone from sight. I sighed aloud. "Where could he have gone?" I asked myself and looked to the sky seeing the northern star shining brightly. "The bridge." It hit me like a brick, I knew I recognized that look, it was the look of a person who no longer wished to be stuck in the hell in which they lived, and as I ran toward the direction of the bridge my heart and mind raced. "Please let me get there before he jumps" I prayed and ran faster.

~~~~~~~~~pov shift~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The chill in the air swirled around me as the snow slowly started to fall; I guess I picked a beautiful night to close the final chapter. I stood there on the stone that constructed the railing of the bridge. The wind tossed my hair slightly and somehow I felt a little bit better knowing that in just a moment all of my thoughts and pain and guilt would finally leave me. I fingered the cross the hung from a chain on my neck and closing my eyes I silently begged for the lords forgiveness, it was wrong I know, but I just could do it alone anymore, I hoped he would forgive me.

I opened my eyes and looked down to the water below me. It was inky black and looked to be freezing, cold and bitter. "Until I am released by death's cold and icy grip." I murmured as I looked up again and watched as snowflakes fell from the dark night sky. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes, just one moment, one final moment of peace and quiet and then I would do it.

"Beautiful night isn't it?" came a very soft voice from a few feet away. It was female and it sounded calm and just the slightest bit nervous. Just ignore her, I kept telling myself. "I had a feeling I would find you here." She spoke up again this time a bit closer to me, she was moving closer. I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head to look at the woman who was keeping me from my eternal peace.

It was her, the small brunette from the bar. Had she followed me here? No she couldn't have I left and moved quickly, I would have noticed her following me. "How did you get here?" I asked her dryly. She blinked at me several times before answering. "I walked here." She said was she messing with me?

"I meant how did you find me?" I corrected and gave her a stern look, if she caught it she didn't show it. She stepped up on the ledge of the hand railing and leaned against it resting her head in her arms. "I had a feeling you would come here, this is where I would go to bid farewell to the world." She said gently there was no judgment in her voice just a soothing understanding. "How did you know I was going to jump?" I asked her as I moved closer to the ledge inching closer to my soon watery grave.

"I recognized that look in your eye, the look of complete and utter hopelessness." She said back turning her head to look at me her eyes soft and flickering with kindness. "How could you possibly know?" I said a bit bitterly, wanting to just jump and end it, but she kept stopping me. "I know because I have been here, in this spot, and I had the same look." She whispered as pain etched itself on her pale features. I was intrigued now, momentarily forgetting why I was on the ledge. "You where?" I asked her turning to face her. She stood up and hopped up on the ledge and sat there. "Yes, about 3 months ago, when my fiancé died." She said and for the first time since she spoke to me I could feel the pain in her voice.

"I'm sorry for your loss." I found myself saying to the small woman. "Thank you. My name is Alexandra by the way, may I ask you yours?" she looked up at me her eyes curious. I wanted to say no and just jump, who cared it's not like I would be here much longer. "My name is Ludwig beildschmidt" I told her sternly and she smiled at me. "That is a very strong name; it suits you if you don't mind me saying." She said kicking her feet in the air. "JA well not as strong as you think" I muttered a bit angrily.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you, Ludwig, a soldier, up here on this ledge?" she asked calmly her eyes scanning my face for any signs. "It's not really any of your concern miss." I said a bit agitated at her for questioning me. "Oh your right how rude of me." She said and looked at me. "You know it's rather cold tonight. Are you sure you really want to jump?" she said not looking at me this time but out at the churning water, I finally noticed how bad she was shivering.

"If it's so cold then why don't you just go home? What do you care anyway?" I spat at her the alcohol in my system was making my head spin and my temper boil. She didn't flinch in the slightest at my outburst. "Well I can't go home now, and leave you here. It wouldn't be right and besides I'm involved now, which means if you jump, I would have to live with that guilt." She said and stood on the ledge just few feet from me her eyes looked dull now, they looked like mine. "What are you doing?" I asked as I watched her take off her jacket and toss it to the ground revealing her pale and marred arms. "Well I figured if you want to die you shouldn't die alone, friends stay together to the bitter end." She said calmly.

"But we are not friends. I barely know you." I said completely confused. "True but I would like to be your friend, but since you seem so set on dying, I'll be your friend in the afterlife." The complete seriousness n her voice frightened me. "You can't possibly mean to say you'll throw yourself of the bridge just because a stranger wants to?" I said calling her bluff. She turned and gave me a sad smile. "I am serious." She said her voice full of pain and sorrow and she took a step closer. "I'll see you on the other side Ludwig." She then lifted her foot and made to step off the ledge.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "No don't be stupid my problem isn't yours" I yelled she looked at me. "Ok I'll make you a deal. You come down here and come with me and we will talk. If in the morning you still wish to die I'll let you leave." She said and she hopped down back onto the road she then extended her hand to me. If I was going to jump now was it, I looked at the water then down at her, I could hear church bells ringing and for whatever reason I took her hand and climbed down.

"I'm glad you came down Ludwig. I was really scared." She breathed and I opened my eyes. She was smiling at me and she squeezed my hand. I tuned my back to her and removed my hand from hers. The sun was rising I could see the sky lightening up. "So tell me Ludwig, its morning now, do you still wish to die?" she asked me her teeth chattering a bit. I slowly turned and looked at her as the sun rose behind her; the pale colors made her look even more like a pixie.

I thought to myself, did I really want to die? Now that I was on the ground looking at the place I stood just moments before, I wasn't sure. "I don't know" I finally said and she smiled. "Then come on I'll drive you home." She offered her hand to me once again and I took it but not before picking up her jacket. "Here your jacket." I said and handed it to her. "Thank you Ludwig, come on my car is still at the bar." With that she dragged me back to the bar with her.

When we had got back the bartender was just about to close up, when he noticed us. "Sorry folks but its closing time." He said "sorry sir I left my car here we are just picking it up." She told him and we were soon in her car. "Where do you live?" I vaguely heard her ask, I was starting to fill dizzy and weak, and my anemia was acting up, about ten miles from here this is the address" I said before I blacked out.

~~~~~~~~~~pov change~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I followed the instructions on the paper Ludwig had given me and I quickly found his home, unfortunately he had blacked out, from the looks of it this was a preexisting condition if I had to guess I'd say anemia. Once I had parked in his drive way I slowly dragged him inside. I laid him down on his sofa and turned his head so if he vomited again he would choke, I then left to look for some supplies. I soon returned and cleaned him up as best I could. I didn't think twice about changing him into some clean clothes and once he looked set I went to my car to clean up the remnants of his stomach.

I came back inside and checked Ludwig over; he was asleep, deeply asleep. "Good you looked like you needed the rest." I murmured and scanned the room, and then I spotted a letter. "That must be his suicide note" I said quietly to myself. Then walked over to it and picked it up, I knew I shouldn't have read it but I did so anyway and halfway through it I started to cry. This poor soul had been through so much no wonder he felt he only had one option. I decided I would give him all the help he needed.

~~~~~~~pov shift~~~~~~~

I woke up and looked around; I was in my house and still very much alive. "Where am I?" I asked aloud then jumped when I got an unsuspected reply. "You're at your house Ludwig" Came the familiar voice. I looked over and saw her sitting there in my arm chair a book in her lap. She looked tired. "What happened?" I asked her knowing most of it but was still groggy on the details. "Well after you came down from the ledge I drove you home and cleaned you up. You have been sleeping ever since" she said calmly and gently. I looked down at myself and realized I was not I'm the clothes I wore to the bar. "Don't panic Ludwig I changed your clothes, I was pretty sure you wouldn't want to sleep in vomit, and no need to be embarrassed I'm a nurse as well." She said quietly. I didn't know why she was talking so quietly until I sat up and my head started to pound savagely against my skull in a crippling pain.

"Here drink this." The small woman handed me a glass of water and two tablets, I took them and did as I was asked. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you." I apologized as I rested my head in my hands. I heard Alexandra asking me something, "would you like to go to your bed instead of the couch?" I nodded at her. "Ok come on I'll help ya" I felt her pull my arm over her shoulder and started to lead me to my room slowly "I'm sorry I must be heavy." I said feeling bad. She didn't reply but simply smiled and continued on until I was in my bed. "Don't worry I'm stronger then I look" she gave a cheeky grin. "Rest and when you feel better we will talk" she said sat in a chair until my eyes fell closed and I slept again.

~~~~~pov shift~~~~~~~~~~

Once I was sure he was asleep I went to answer the door, the frantic banging bothered me. "Hello can I help you?" I asked the woman at the door. She was a beautiful woman with long light brown hair and kind green eyes. "Is Ludwig home? Is he alright? I got his letter?" she said in a fast manner. "Yes he is asleep in his room as we speak, I found him last night" I took the letter it was instructions left for the care of his dogs, which at this time seemed to love me. She looked relieved. "Well thank god you were there" she said stepping in. I closed the door and followed her in.

"So you have been up all night and most of today with him? Wow seems like a lot for a stranger to do." She said sipping her tea that she had made. "yes well I couldn't leave him there and I, I know where he's at I was there myself once, and as soon as I get the chance id like the chance to get him some professional help, there is only so much a nurse can do." I told her and yawned.

"Well Alexandra you are a very kind and noble lady, Ludwig better be grateful" she smiled and checked the time. "I must be off but if you ever need anything here is my number." She handed me a piece of paper and I gave her mine. "Good day elizabetha." I said as she left. I went back to check on him he was awake and stretching. "You are feeling better?" I asked from the door, his color was returning and his eyes looked a little brighter. "Yes a bit thank you, you've been to kind. You said something about talking?" he said jumping straight to the point. I walked in and sat in the chair I had sat up. "I want you to check yourself into a mental health clinic, I know it sounds bad but I think it would really be a good and safe place for you, they can help." I told him bluntly not wanting to beat around the bush.

"Thank you for the concern but I will be just fine, I don't need to go anywhere." He said his eyes determined and I knew he was in denial. "Alright I can see this is something you need to learn on your own. If you ever need me I'm just a phone call away, no judgment and no questions asked." I gave him my number and even programmed it in his cell before I left. I didn't want to leave but I had someone who needed me at home, my daughter was waiting.

~~~~~~pov shift authors view~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alexandra and Ludwig parted ways, Alex over the next few weeks called Ludwig every morning promptly at 8:00 am to make sure he was alive and well. They would talk and Alex would always suggest he would go get help, which he would decline every time. She kept it up about a month later she had not been able to call because of a schedule change. Slowly Ludwig grew worse his drinking had become a horrible thing and he fell deeper into a pit of depression and hate, he started a drug habit heroin became his choice; he became obsessed and grew sicker and weaker with each passing week.

Ludwig however was never alone though, elizabetha called Alex several times, when she feared for Ludwig. Alex would find him and bring him home take care of him and leave, he was never aware of her constant presence in his times of need. And even despite the calls and pamphlets he got worse. And then on night about a year after the fateful night on the bridge Ludwig reached rock bottom, his heroin addiction had finally left him a shell of his former self.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~pov Ludwig~~~~~~~~~~~

More I need more, I kept saying to myself as I shot up more heroin and drank more and more. The heroin was not enough I needed more drugs more high more release form my mental hell. I had got a hold of some more heroin, and shot up the most I had in my entire time as a user. The high was amazing, but then something went wrong, I got real sick and felt horrible, I couldn't move much and I saw darkness clouding my vision I slumped against the alley wall and sat there. I started to think of all of my struggles and what my life was, I realized that I was slowly dying killing myself every day. I still felt the grief over my unit, and how I was being horrible. But it was too late now, too late to stop the drug use, too late to get help, too late for friends, and it was too late for anything.

So I sat there for hours feeling my body shut down, I don't know how or why but I picked up my cell phone and looked at it, then I heard a soft gentle voice float through my head. "If you ever need me I'm just a phone call away." It was her voice Alexandra's, I had then realized I was a horrible man, she tried all this time to help me and I had been too stubborn to get help, I refused and resented her for a long time, she saved my life once and I never showed her how grateful I was. As I skimmed my phone I realized I did not have her number, or at least I thought I didn't, I found it under w, the name read, _when you need me, _I clicked it and held it to my ear.

After it rang a while I almost hung up until I heard her tired voice. "Hello?" she asked I couldn't manage much my brain and body not full connected anymore. "Alex its Ludwig….help me" that was all I could manage before blacking out in a drug hazed oblivion. As I slowly drifted away I could vaguely make out her saying. "_I'm coming Ludwig just hold on I'll find you" _

pov Alexandra~~~~~~~~~

I received the call I had been waiting for, it was the call I knew would come, Ludwig had hit rock bottom and now was drowning in his addiction. It was very late, and even though I was in my pj's I grabbed my keys and ran to my daughter's room. "Anna come on love get up mama needs to go find someone, come on I can't leave you here alone" I said waking my five year old from her pleasant dreams. I felt bad for disturbing her but I had to make sure she was safe and the only way I could do that is if she was with me. I dressed her as fast as I could and we got in the car, I kept cell on so I could track where the call was coming from; I drove for awhile until I reached a bad side of town. Maybe bringing Anna with me was a bad idea. "Ok Anna mama has to find her friend so stays right next to me at all times and don't talk to anyone ok?" I said and she nodded I knew she would listen she was very clingy and was always by my side when we were together. Taking her hand I locked the car and walked down the street until I got to the dark alley. I saw a figure slouched on the wall and pulled Anna close and grabbed my knife from my waistband, just in case.

We approached the figure and it took me a moment to realize that it was Ludwig, and he was in bad condition, "Ludwig." I asked carefully and the man's head turned to the side, he was hardly recognizable but I could tell it was him, I could never forget those blue eyes. Shutting off my phone I rushed to his side. "I'm here Ludwig I'm here" I said and lightly tapped his face with my hand hoping he was still responsive. "Alex…I'm sorry…help me…please" was all he could say and that's what I did. "Anna baby call work and tell them that I am bringing in a friend of mine and he is in bad shape ok? Tell them I could turn into a code blue. You know mama's work number?" I asked her she nodded at me and took my phone from me and dialed. "Hello my mama told me to call you and say she was bringing in a friend she said it could become a code blue." There was a pause, "here name is Alexandra Roseburg r.n" she said, once I was sure she was ok with the phone I dealt with Ludwig, I braced him on my shoulders and got him on his feet, he was lighter now all skin and bone, he was worse than I feared.

"Mommy? The guy said they are ready for him as soon as we get there and asked to talk to you" my little girl looked scared. "Ok baby tell him it will be just a moment" I told her and we got him back to my car and in the back seat. I took my phone back and strapped her in. "talk to me."I said into the mouth piece of the phone. He asked questions and I answered as best I could. "Over dose yeah he's in a bad state, I'll be there in ten meet me at the door, thanks tino." I hung up on the sweet Finnish man and started to drive to the hospital.

When we got there the staff got to work and I waited in his room, Anna in my lap. "Mommy was that your friend?" she looked up at me with her big blue eyes, innocent and kind. "Yes baby that was my friend Ludwig. I told her honestly. "Why does he look all bad mama?" she didn't know of the cruelties of the world yet. "Well baby, Ludwig used to fight in the war but he got sick and was sent home, he just has been getting worse and sicker every day." I tried to explain but it was hard. "Well then why didn't you take him to the doctor?" she asked and my heart squeezed. "Well lamb he didn't want to go to the doctor he thought he could get better all by himself." That was true he was in denial and you can't help a person that doesn't know they need help. "He will be ok mommy, he has you to look after him and doctor ox is helping him too." Her naïve beliefs made me happy, but I knew the outlook was grim, if he made it through the night it would be an uphill battle to recovery.

~~~~~~~~~~pov author~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two females spent the next few hours in the room, Alexandra paced a lot and Anna took a nap in the chair, doctor Oxenstierna worked on him and finally brought him into the room, Alex walked over. "how is he?" she asked as soon as Ludwig was settled in his bed, he was asleep and looked a little better but, still looked like death was minutes away. " not too good, we almost lost him a couple times, but we got him stabilized for now, it's up to him now, if he makes it to the morning, he may have a fighting chance. You got him here just in time Alex any longer and he would be dead. His body was shutting down." The Swedish man's face was grim and despite his heavy accent she understood everything. "Thank you so much berwald, really." She thanked him and gave him a hug.

The Swedish man checked Ludwig's vitals and then left the room to complete his rounds leaving Alex and Anna alone with Ludwig. Short after tino walked in, he was wearing his ever white scrubs, his soft violet eyes fell upon Alex who was watching Ludwig's heart monitor and holding a sleeping Anna in her arms. "Hey Alex, how are you doing?" he asked his soft voice making her feel better. She tore her eyes away from the screen and put them on the Finnish nurse. "I'm alright tino, just worried about him" the brunette said her eyes were tired and weary her hair a mess and she was still in her pajamas. Tino noticed Anna. "Here I'll take her to the longue and put her to bed, she shouldn't be exposed to all this mess." He said taking the small blonde from Alex's arms. "Thanks tino, I couldn't leave her at home, but your right she doesn't need to see this."

Tino left and Alex was left alone, she moved her chair closer to Ludwig's bed and brushed back his bangs, her heart went out to him, he had been through a lot. "I'm so sorry I couldn't help you more luddy." She whispered. He was frail and thin not the proud muscular solider that she meet back on the bridge, his skin was grayish and his face looked hollow, his fingers looked boney and sick, he was a mess his hair longer and un kept, he reeked and honestly he didn't even look like Ludwig, but she could still see it, even behind all the scars and gashes, underneath all the needle holes and scabs, and under all the scars that he had collected from his self destruction, Alex could still see the ,and that was once just moments from ending it all, and she could even see that handsome soldier in the photo on the mantel in his house. It would be a long and painful road but if he asked her she would be there every single step of the way.

~~~~~~pov shift Ludwig. ~~~~~~

I felt horrible, weak, sick, and gross. My body and mind felt like I was a step away from death, I could feel my heart fluttering and my whole body was overly sensitive. I opened my eyes and was blinded by the lights in the room; all I could see was white white everywhere. It was painful but pretty. I didn't know where I was and couldn't remember much. I let my eyes adjust and slowly looked around. All I could hear was the constant blipping noises of a machine, was I in a hospital? Then I remembered the alley, the heroin, the call, the car, and the pain. I had called Alexandra I knew it, I could smell her light scent in the room and I slowly turned my head to find it. That's when I spotted her in the chair next to my bed, she was a mess, her hair was all over the place, her eyes had circles under them and she was in grimy pajama's she looked like she was wallowing in a dirty trash ridden pool. She had come to my rescue in the middle of the night in her night clothes and dragged my drugged up dirty body to the hospital.

"Are you awake mister?" I heard a little voice from the door way and turned that way. In the door stood a little girl with blonde hair and slate blue eyes, she had a little powder blue sleep dress on and a small kitten plushy in her arms; she scrubbed her eyes cutely and looked at me. "Yes. Who are you little one?" I asked my voice very weak and not at all my own. "Her name is Antoinette," came another voice I didn't know. I looked up and saw the man that was towering over the small girl. He was blonde and wore glasses with blue eyes, he looked intimidating and serious, he was also in a lab coat, and I figured he was my doctor.

"My name is doctor berwald Oxenstierna, Alexandra brought you in after an overdose" he said his voice gruff, the little girl climbed into Alex's lap. The doctor asked me some questions and I answered as best I could, he went on with his work checking me over all the while the little girl watching with an intense curiosity. "Is that your daughter, Dr. Oxenstierna?" I asked not knowing who they cute little kid belonged to. "no." he said and ruffled the girl's hair gently making her giggle. "I'll be in later to check on you, if you need anything the nurse call button is on the side of the bed" he soon left and I was left alone with a sleeping savior and a little girl.

"Antoinette where are your parents?" I asked I had no clue who she was or why she was here. "What do you mean Mister Ludwig, mommy is right here" she said I was confused. "Who is your mother?" I tried again. She gave me a goofy grin. "Silly mommy is my mommy" she hugged Alexandra and then I made the connection; the little girl must be Alex's daughter. I never knew she had a child. "Are you feeling better Mister Ludwig?" her tiny voice asked and she crawled on my bed and sat there looking at me with concern in her little eyes. "Yup I'm feeling better" I lied I felt horrid. "Well that's good news mommy has been so very worried about you Mister Ludwig, we looked all night for you then we spent the night here with you. Mama hasn't left the room all night" the little girl babbled away she seemed happy and all smiles. As I listened to her talk I realized Alex had been by my side ever since she found me.

"Antoinette was it? How do you know my name?" I asked her she smiled up at me and pointed at Alexandra who was now snoring in the chair. "Mommy talks about you all the time, she really likes you, she says that you are sick and that you need a doctor, how come you never went to a doctor mister Ludwig? Oh and you can call me Anna" I was shocked Alex talked about me all the time? "Well Anna, I guess I'm a bit of a dummy your mama tried to get me to go but I kept saying no." I said and looked over at her. "Well that's ok mommy is here and she's like a super hero so you'll get all better now" she sounded so sure of herself and her mother, the girl couldn't be much older than five and I knew Alex was only twenty five. "Yeah your mother is a pretty special lady, a great friend even when I didn't deserve one" I said mostly to myself.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of people entering my room, there was a pale blonde male with violet eyes and scrubs, my nurse I guessed, with him was a skinny blonde woman and a tall dirty blonde man his eyes were green and fierce, the woman's green but gentle, and impish. "Auntie Emma!" Anna squealed and ran over to the woman hugging her. The woman scooped up the little girl and walked out quickly so Anna wouldn't wake up Alex, the nurse and tall man walked in and shut the door. I had a bad feeling about this.

~~~~~~pov author ~~~~~~~

The men looked at Ludwig and then to Alexandra. "Alex come on wake up" tino roused the small woman from her sleep. "I'm up I'm up" she said groggily and spotted the dirty blonde. "Wilhelm? What are you doing here?" she asked standing and hugging him. "Tino called me and told me what was going on; we came to look after Antoinette for awhile. And of course I wanted to make sure you were ok" he said his voice was monotonous and calm; he glanced over Ludwig and gave him a nod. "Oh ok well thank you will it means a lot, I'm sorry to cause you trouble and all" the violet eyed female said feeling bad. "Not a bother at all, we love Anna. And besides you're my baby sister I couldn't leave you to dry." He said and ruffled her already messy hair. "Give Emma my love and tell Anna I'll pick her up when I can. Thank you so much." She sighed and looked to tino who gave her a kind smile. "Alright well I must leave I have to make a couple calls. See you around Alex, and call us more we both miss you." Wilhelm said and after a quick hug he left with Emma and Anna.

"Thank you so much tino, you're a life saver, what would I do without you?" she turned and went back over to her chair and rested her hand in her palm. "You awake I see. Sorry if Anna bugged you she likes to talk, a lot." Tino joined them and they talked awhile but tino had to soon leave because he was being paged, Leaving the small tired woman and the sick druggy alone for the first time. For a long time there was a silence that stretched for a long time, until Alex broke it. "I'm glad you called me, if you hadn't you do know you would be dead by now right? You're lucky to be alive." Her voice was very cold. "I know, and I'm sorry Alex I just…" he was cut off by Alex putting her hand up. "I don't want to hear excuses Ludwig, they are just words, and if you're really sorry you'd show it." Her eyes looked hurt and scared.

"so you have a daughter?" he asked knowing it was pointless to talk about last night at this point in time, sure Alex was kind and loyal but she too was human and had her limits, she was tired and not in a mood to discuss his behavior. "Yeah Anna is my daughter she's five." Alex answered back her attention fully on Ludwig. "She's a good kid; I never knew you had a kid." He said. "She is, and I know you didn't know, you never asked." She said pointedly. It was true in the year that Ludwig had known Alex, he had learned little about her. Although she knew everything about him, she did after all give his extensive family medical history to the doctors.

"Look Ludwig, we need to talk about where we go from here." Ludwig swallowed this was it, she was done helping him. "After they think your stable and well enough, they are going to set you lose, now you will be coming home with me, and be placed in my care until I deem you fit to return to your home. I called Liz and she will take care of the dogs and house, she's been over there already cleaning. I called your brother and told him what was going on. Now I'm going to be honest with you, right now you feel fine but in a few hours you are going to start going into withdraw, there will be, as long as you are in my house and my care, no drugs what so ever. I have a little girl I have to worry about and you will not be exposing her to that poison." Alex had a commanding tone in her voice and despite how ridiculous she looked; Ludwig could tell she meant business. "Why are you still helping me? After all the stupid shit I've put you through." Ludwig asked her he was confused. "Because you're my friend and even though you have given up hope, I haven't, I won't give up on you Ludwig, I'm in this till the very end, and I told you on the bridge friends stick together to the bitter end."

After a few hours and some food Ludwig was released into Alex's care and she took him to her house. She brought him to a spare bedroom and got him set up and then called Liz. She spent the rest of the day arranging her home to accommodate Ludwig. Before long Ludwig was out again. He spent a few hours asleep but soon woke to withdraw. Alex was there by his side the entire time. Wilhelm and Emma brought Anna back home and offered to stay the night but Alex sent them home. Once she cared for her daughter she herself went to bed after locking the doors and windows of Ludwig's room.

The next morning Alexandra got up and woke Anna, and got her ready for daycare. Once she was set and eating her breakfast Alex went up stairs to wake Ludwig finding him awake and already dressed. "Well that saves some time. Come on your coming with me and Anna, I have to drop her off at daycare and then we are going to your house to get your things." She said and took his dirty clothes to the wash; he was wearing a pair of Wilhelm's old jeans and Hoddie he left from his last stay. They were baggy and he looked like a bum, a major improvement to before, he still needed a bath and shave and hair cut but she would deal with that later.

The trio ate and were soon in the car on the way to the daycare center. Once there Alex and Anna where greeted warmly by the Ukrainian woman who owned the place, her brother worked there as well a tall blonde monster of a man with lavender eyes and a childish smile, he looked scary and evil but he was in fact a great man, and Alex trusted him with Anna's life. Ludwig looked to see if Alex had left the keys in the car, he needed a hit bad, he was itchy and panicky. He growled when he couldn't see them in the car and saw Alex dangle them from a finger, she waved goodbye to her daughter and stood there with the keys her eyes saying "oh no you don't".

They soon arrived at his house and they got out, Ludwig had a grin on his face, he still had some drugs in his house, and he knew where they were. "alright Ludwig now here is how this is going to work, we will go in and we are going to get you clothes and some everyday needs, then we are leaving, I'm sure you have a stash here so you are not to leave my sight am I understood?" she said pointedly her eyes defiant and fierce. "Yes ma'am" he said but in his head the second she looked away he would be gone. Alex knew he was lying but she would keep an eye on him.

They went in and the house was cleaner, Liz had left Alex a note saying she found some of the drugs and turned them over to the police but she said there could be a lot more still hidden. Pocketing it they went to Ludwig's room and Alex searched it top to bottom not finding anything she grabbed his suitcase. "Pack as many clothes as you can and what you need to survive I will triple check your bag before we leave this house" with that Alex left him to pack and went to search his house, she found tons of heroin, and crack, and even some pills, all of which she put in a medical bag and put it in her purse, these would be disposed of by the hospital, if she was going to see Ludwig through this she was going to see to it he never relapsed. After an hour she went to check on Ludwig, only to find he was not in his bedroom, her heart raced, and she checked his bathroom, he was there sitting on the floor a needle on the ground next to him a elastic band and a small vile of liquid, heroin. Alex rushed in and grabbed the vile before he could fill the needle. He growled and tried to take it back but she wouldn't let him have it. "Give it! I need it Alex, just one more that's all once more and I'll stop." He tried everything he could but his words fell on deaf ears she had heard them all before.

"No Ludwig the ally was your last hit, I will not give this to you" held him back as he tried to overpower her but due to his fragile health state he was no match. She could tell he was in pain the withdraws were getting to him and the only way to relieve the pain is start the drugs or wait it out, and Alex knew it would be hard but she had to make sure he waited it out, if he got the drugs there would be no saving him, and she couldn't bear to lose another person she deeply cared for.

~~~~~~~~pov Alex~~~~~~~

He was hurting and sick and he was desperate, like a wounded animal. I wanted to desperately ease his pain but I couldn't give him his pain relief that would be the death of him. I wanted to cry, but he needed me, not the drugs, he needs strength that he no longer had. "Ludwig I mean it no!" I firmly said as I shoved the vile in my purse and tossed it into his room; I then slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. We would wait this wave out together. He screamed and yelled at me, calling me horrible names, all of which stung but I knew it was his addiction talking, he didn't mean all the horrible things he said. He soon passed the rage and started to get sick, I stayed there by his side as he emptied his stomach several times. He was weak and sick, a shell, it haunted me how much he reminded me of myself back when I was this way. That's why I needed to be strong. So I sat there next to him on the cold tiles for the better part of two hours, he vomit id flush and rub his back, it soon passed and he rested his head on the lid of the seat. "Why are you so good to me? What have I ever done to deserve your help?" he asked his voice rough and scratchy.

"Because you are my friend Ludwig, and you saved me. That night, I was down on myself but seeing you in need gave me a reason to be strong again." I told him and it was true. He did save me sort of. There was a long pause and he looked at me blankly. I sighed and got ready for round two, I needed to find the stash he got this vile from. "Ludwig, I need you to tell me where the rest of it is, where is the rest of the drugs Ludwig?" I asked firmly. He remained silent and I knew he wasn't going to willing give it up. I should have figured it would be a fight, I was the same way. "Ludwig you can either tell me or I will literally tear down this house bit by bit until I find It all." I told him and I meant it.

I stood up and started searching the bathroom, when it hit me, of course the most obvious spot to hide it. He seemed to understand that I knew where to look and he went to stop me. "Ludwig beildschmidt you sit there and you stay, you move one finger and I'll drown you in that toilet!" I startled myself and him with the viciousness in my voice. He sat there and looked at me buffeted and scared, he wouldn't be going anywhere. I left him there and found the drugs right where I knew I would, I also found the rest of them in his room as well, his room was cleared but with this much I knew there was a lot in the house. Bagging them I went back to the bathroom and sat with him.

~~~~~~~pov Ludwig~~~~~

Yeah Alexandra could be really scary when she wanted to be; even in my sick and horrid state I could tell she would most defiantly drown me. "How did you know where to find it? How did you know I would be in here? How did you know?" I asked her it seemed she was always one step ahead of me. "I told you Ludwig I have been there." That was all she said as we sat there. I took this time to look at her and think about all she had done for me, ever since that night on the bridge she was there, she helped me down, then took care of me, she called me every day to check in on me, she always came when I called her, and even when I didn't she would still come, she saved me so many times, and never once did she yell or curse, she never complained, and helped me with a smile. She didn't have to, she could have let me jump, could have let me over dose, could have let me drink my liver away, she could have not cared like the rest of the world, but she didn't, she was an angel, a savoir and my saving grace.

"I love you Alexandra." I found myself saying, my head was fuzzy and my thought emotions and actions all fuzzy and odd. "No you don't Ludwig, you're sick and don't know what you are saying, come on let's get you home." She brushed it off just like that it made me angry. I yelled at her and she took it with a straight face, I tired myself out and sighed. "Come on let's go home" she said and took my arm and grabbed her purse and my suitcase and we made our way to the car, while we were heading down the stairs a snuck a bottle of pills from her purse, I would need these later, however again she was a step ahead and demanded I give them to her. "How did you even know?"I asked again I had been able to steal trick and fool hundreds, no one could feel me take anything from them so how did she know? "I have been there" was all she said as she zipped her purse and drove us back to her house.

She helped me unpack and then cooked lunch, I didn't feel like eating and I was angry at her. I spent the rest of the day lounging, vomiting and screaming in my new room. Al the while she was busy doing things down stairs. She told me she was going to pick up Anna and I could come if I wanted. "Leave me alone you annoying bitch, leave me alone!" I screamed at her to her face, she held a poker face, but I still caught the pain n her eyes. I had hurt her again, but I'm not sure if it was the words or the hard slap across the face that hurt her more. Had not only emotionally hurt her but now I had physically hit her, hard even though I was weak. She left me alone with a sandwich and water and the remote for the TV in my room then left to go get her daughter, not once crying, yelling or anything, she just left me alone, just like I asked her to. I had messed up this time more than ever now.

~~~~~~~pov Alex~~~~~

It stung, the red mark on my face burned and stung, he punched me, and despite him being sickly and weak, he still had a good swing in him. I was hurt. His words and fist stung me but I didn't say a word I handed him some stuff them locked his door. If he wanted to be alone then that was fine, I would give him his space. So I drove to the daycare and picked up my baby, Ivan, the tall Russian man, asked me if I was ok, he saw the mark even though I covered it with concealed. "I'm ok, he's recovering. It's just the withdraws talking and acting."I assured him. "Alexandra, I know you good mother, and I know you not put Anna in harm but if you want I can look after he da? I do not want her hurt." He said his accent heavy "Ivan I trust you I do and if I need anything I will let you know but don't worry she will be safe" I said hoping I wasn't lying to him. He looked skeptical. "Ok I'll tell you what, I leave her here a couple hours longer and call Emma and Wilhelm; they said they would watch her." I said he seemed satisfied. "Ok that sounds good idea."

I called Emma and she said she would love to have Anna, we agreed she would stay at Wilhelm's until I the worst of Ludwig's symptoms were over. It was hard for me to do this especially since I didn't like leaving Anna but it was for her best interest and safety. Once I said good bye I returned home to Ludwig and went up stairs. I didn't say a word and unlocked his door. Then went to my room to shower and get ready for bed, after I was clean I walked past his door it was open now, but he was still in there just staring at a wall, I could tell he was thinking but at his point I was exhausted. So after dinner I brought him food and went to bed.

~~~~pov author~~~~

The next few weeks went by slowly, Alex and Ludwig barely spoke, she was there when he was sick and vomiting, and gone when he was better, she gave him all the time in the world to think and recover, the swelling in her check had gone down and was now just a bruise. As the weeks progressed Ludwig to improved his eyes became clearer and his body started to feel better, instead of sick and nauseous, he just felt weak and stiff, he no longer was desperate for a hit, the cravings still there but not as bad,. Anna returned home after two weeks and was happily chatting with Ludwig when her mother wasn't looking, she'd sneak him cookies and candy. He started to learn a lot about Anna and Alex, Anna told him all about her mama and her favorite things. Though he never learned what he wanted, which was what her past was, he knew it was dark but he knew only that she wanted to commit suicide and knew all about druggies.

Another week passed and Ludwig was getting better color slowly returning to his body. Alex's bruise was gone. And Ludwig took the next week to seclude himself in his room, Alex went back to work. And he thought about everything and what he wanted.

~~~~~~~pov Ludwig~~~~~~~

Today was the day, I was ready and now I need to confront Alexandra and ask her for her help one more time. She had to work the worst shift and returned home around eight am this morning. I made breakfast for her and it was waiting when she dragged herself through the door. I heard her calling and I told her kitchen. "I'm made you breakfast "I said sheepishly that was the first thing I had said to her in two weeks. "I can see that thank you, are we on speaking terms again?" she asked plopping down in her chair. "Alexandra can we talk?"I asked as I sat across from her. She nodded at me around her fork. "I know you have done so much for me already and I have been a complete ass, but I need to ask you one more favor." I started out I made up my mind this morning that this is what I wanted. "Well if I can do it for you I will but no drugs." She said ok I deserved that. "Alexandra, I need help, a lot of help, and I was wondering if you would take me to a clinic. The one you have been saying I should go to for as long as I have known you." I told her and her eyes grew large. She was shocked as was I. "are you positive?" she asked giving me a test to back out but I wasn't going to fail this time. "Yes I have my bags packed already. I want to get better; I want to be me again. I'm tired Alexandra I just want to feel alive again and get rid of my demons." She smiled at me and stood up walking over to where I sat.

We stayed like that for a moment. And she nodded. "Alright luddy I'll drive you there now." She said and leaned down to hug me. I stood up and returned the gesture. It felt nice. I knew that even if I didn't deserve it she would always show me kindness. I didn't want to let her down. We parted and she grabbed a quick shower and we drove to the clinic. It was a nice building, with open windows and tons of light. We walked in and we were greeted happily by a blonde man with stubble. He had a French accent and was way to flirty for my liking but Alexandra seemed to recognize him and chatted for awhile.

~~~~~~pov author~~~~~

"Alexandra how are you Mon ami?" the French receptionist asked. He seemed happy and a bit surprised to see her. "I am well Francis, I'm here with a friend, and he's ready." She said and placed a reassuring hand on Ludwig's arm. "Oh? Thank god Cherri I thought it was you who was coming back to us. I love you dear but let me say I'm glad you won't be staying." He smiled and turned his attention to Ludwig who stood there growing more and more confused by the minuet. "Alright well why are you here sir?" the French man asked Ludwig stepped up next to Alexandra. "I would like to admit myself here; I'm ready to start recovery. I want to get better, and I know I can't do it without help" Ludwig said firmly swallowing all his manly pride and admitting defeat.

Ludwig and Alexandra where ushered to a room and spent the next hour filling out paper work. When they were finished, a doctor walked in. he was blonde with poison green eyes, his eyebrows where thick and almost looked alive, he was a small man but he made up for it in a commanding air about him. "Alexandra Rosenburg please tells me you are here on a friendly visit" he said his English accent prominent. The small brunette laugh "heavens no Arthur I'm here to help my friend Ludwig, he's ready to recover." The English males green eyes darted to the other male in the room. "Alright good, I'm glad to see you are well Alexandra." He said and sat down.

They went through introductions, and Ludwig was told what the deals and rules where and that they were not flexible. He signed the waivers and his fate was sealed, Ludwig would not leave the facilities until doctor Kirkland gave him the clean bill of health. Soon it was time for goodbyes and Alex and Ludwig were left in a room for five minutes, they stood there and looked at each other. "Alexandra, thank you so much for everything you have done. It means a lot and I know it's just words to you right now but I'm going to prove it to you with my actions. And then when I'm better I will make it up to you I promise." Ludwig told her he meant every word of it. Alexandra hugged him and said her goodbyes and was about to leave when Ludwig stopped her. "I won't let you down, and I'll prove it to you." He would prove to her that he wanted to be a better man and his journey of a thousand miles started with this single step.

~~~~~pov Ludwig~~~~~~~

I watched her leave and I knew I was on my own now, if I was going to prove that I was a good man, and that I loved her I was going to have to do this. I wasn't alone I soon found out there were many drug abusers here. I met the staff and was soon settled I was told that if I wanted to have things I had to earn them. I was limited to one phone call a month and I had been given a set schedule. This would be my life for however long it took for me to get better.

The next day I was sitting in a group of people, all of the drug users, since I was new it was introduction day. I was told to tell them my story and why I was here and a little about myself. "Well my name is Sergeant Ludwig beildschmidt of the former 123 platoon, I served in the army until I was discharged, "I started I was nervous and didn't want to tell them but if was doing this for my health then I had to suck it up. "there was an accident and well since then I had a hard time sleeping I became incapable of sleep and fell into a depression, I started drinking and at one time I tried to kill myself, Alexandra saved my life that night and then I hurt her by starting drugs heroin was my choice then slowly I started more my liver was being destroyed by the drinking and my body dying from the drugs, this went on for awhile until one night I overdosed and with the last of my strength I called the one person who had been there for me through it all no matter how many times I hurt her. I called Alexandra and she came out in the middle of the night and dragged me to a hospital, after that she took me in and nursed me to my present condition, I hit her and yelled at her a lot and I was never grateful then one day I woke up and decided it was time for a change, so I asked for her help once again and she brought me here, so here I am." I told the group and when I looked up all eyes were on me as they hung from my every word.

"Well I think it great that you came here Ludwig, now you can show her how much her help and friendship has meant to you." The voice came from the small Italian man next to me, I learned his name was Feliciano but everyone called him feli, he was a crack user and was put in here by his older brother who had enough of his ways. He looked at me with warm brown eyes and a bright smile. "You are lucky Ludwig to have had such a great friend to be there for you" another voice this time quieter, it was the Japanese man, kiku Honda, he suffered from depersonalization disorder it was rare and he was just in the beginning of their recover. I realized that these guys, as I listened to their stories, had been through hell too, and compared to most of them I was lucky, everyone else gave up on them, Alex never gave up on me, they were right I was lucky.

Later that day doctor Kirkland called me into his office and we had a discussion. "Ludwig I would like you to keep a journal, a diary if you will and I would like to read this diary at the end of every week. Write down whatever is on your mind good bad, I don't care, well I do but you know what I mean." He told me and handed me a black book with a leather cover and my name in gold letters. I had no idea how but I would try, for if not me Alex, she deserved it.

~~~~ok now we are in the present now so from here on it will go by a day by day basis or weeks watch the dates and you'll follow along well it will be all Ludwig and maybe a little Alexandra.~~~

~~~~~pov Ludwig and his diary~~~~~~

Entry 1 my first day of this book.

Well I guess I am supposed to write in this so here it goes. Today was alright, I met a lot of people and learned a lot, I have even made a friend, his name is Feliciano Vargas, but he demands I call him feli. He is a weird guy, and I mean weird, he is a recovering crack addict and he is Italian. He is small and skinny with reddish brown hair, he has this hair has a weird curl on the side. He has goldish eyes and he is very loud and exuberant. He talks a lot; mostly about his brother and this girl he said her name was Isabella. But he told me that he really liked cooking so he works in the kitchen when he can, and he loves pasta. I also meet a man named kiku Honda, he is Japanese and very quiet but it's not all from his disease, I think he is naturally quiet. I like him he is nice to be around and he is great at arts. Well I guess that is it for now I hope I did this right. ~~~~Ludwig

Entry 4 something new

Well I learned some more things today. I learned that this is hard. I wasn't able to leave my room today, I had a hard time with my withdraw, I don't know why it's getting harder to fight them, normally it passes and I go to bed, but today it was bad, it was almost as bad as when I first started having them. I guess I hadn't realized how hard it is to do this on my own; I have always had Alexandra there to help me. I miss her a bit, I guess I'll just have to get used to it though, they started me on a medication it's supposed to help with depression, I guess it's working I feel a little better. Well I need to go to bed so ill leave it at that.

~~~~~pov Arthur~~~~~

"Well Ludwig it's been a week how have you been? Are you finding things suitable?" I asked the blonde shaggy male in front of me, it was time to read his journal. He looked stiff and nervous. "Ludwig you can relax I'm not going to hurt you if you didn't write a lot." I told him and he visibly relaxed. "Well let's see it then "I took his journal and started reading, I made notes of his moods and withdraw. "Well Ludwig, you have done a fine job with his writing task. I have noticed your withdraws have been getting bad, is there anything that could be causing that?" I asked him I had an idea as to why he was getting bad. "Well I'm not sure sir, maybe it's a sign that I'm getting better." He seemed confused.

"Well Ludwig your mood seems to be stable, and your vitals are looking good, but we have a long road ahead of us, every Thursday I want you to come in and we will talk we need to talk about the war, the source of your problems." I knew it was going to be hard my husband is a marine. He nodded "ok sir."

~~~~~pov Ludwig and journal~~~~~

Entry 10 bad day

I had a bad day really this whole week has been bed, withdraws are horrible and I can't sleep anymore. The dreams keep coming back, in fact I have to talk to doctor Kirkland today, he says we are going to talk about the war I'm scared I don't want to face it. It was horrible. Oh but I did here that tomorrow some of the patients get visitors, maybe I will get to see Alexandra. Well I just have to find out. Anyway I need to go see Dr. Kirkland now I'll write tomorrow. ~~~~~Ludwig

~~~~~~pov author~~~~~

Ludwig awoke and stretched then went to the restroom, he felt sick but looked in the mirror and saw that his eyes were clear now, and after a drink of water he realized that he was feeling a bit better. He brushed his teeth and then went to breakfast. "Ludwig good morning!" came the cheery voice of feli; he ran over and hugged Ludwig. Kiku joined them and they had breakfast. "Oh Ludwig guess what! I get to see my belle amore today!" the excited able Italian waved his arms in a festive manner and kiku dodged his fists. "Isabella right?" he asked double checking. "Si she is coming to visit me. I'm so excited" he said and stared dreamily off into space. "Oh Ludwig you have to meet her, she's really nice and sweet and pretty." He went off on a rambling speech about how they met and so forth, Ludwig ate his breakfast.

Noon arrived and it was time for visitation. Ludwig was practically dragged down the stairs by the bubbly man and kiku followed close behind. The Italian boy had not been lying the woman was in fact very pretty. She had light sand brown hair and bright amber eyes. "Isabella!" Feliciano cried and ran to the woman spinning her in a hug. She laughed and they kissed briefly. "Isabella you have to meet my friend Ludwig!" feli dragged said man over and Ludwig awkwardly introduced himself. They talked for awhile and then Ludwig excused himself. He looked around and saw kiku talking to a long haired female with a pink dress and flowers in her hair. He looked around but his heart sank Alexandra wasn't there. Doctor Kirkland walked over. "Well Ludwig I'm sorry but you haven't earned visitation that will take time. I know you seemed excited but your health is more important." He patted his arm and then went off with a loud mouth American in a superman tee shirt and American flag sneakers.

~~~~pov Ludwig and journal~~~~

Entry 15 good news~

Well I have finally seen the last of my withdraws, I haven't been sick in three days! I'm really happy about that. Also since I have been working with doctor Kirkland I have gotten gym privileges. I can work out and build myself back up, and we finally got my meds worked out. I really worked hard this week, and I think it has paid off. But my sleep is still bad. Thursday I will be telling doctor Kirkland all about the accident, I really don't want to. Well good night ~~~~Ludwig

I woke up and looked at my clock, 8:30 time to start my day. I stretch and then dress before heading down stairs for breakfast. Once I had eaten I went to get my meds then off to the gym. I worked out for a good 2 hours, and when I was done I was worn out, but I feel better so that's good. After I showered I go to therapy and talk about my day and stuff and learn that tomorrow one of the guys is leaving, he is better and is ready to be a part of the world again. His name is sadik adnan and he is a recover pot smoker. He had been here for nearly a year but now he has a clean bill. There will be a party and we will wish him well. "I wonder when I will be getting out of here" I think to myself. I guess I still have a long way to go. I go back to my room and open my journal and write until its bed time.

Entry 17 well I told him

Today I told dr. Kirkland all about the war accident, I broke down and cried and they had to calm me down but I'm stable enough know, I guess I'll tell you what I told him.

We were in Serbia on a mission, our goal was to retrieve our wounded men from a camp simple mission really, nothing should have gone wrong, and that was my first mistake. I took my men and we made our way through templar territory, we were a small unit so we slipped in ok, but we were unlucky, there was a patrol, we evaded them and we thought we were clear, again I was wrong. We broke into the camp and took back our men; many men on the templar's side were killed most by me. We stormed the village and gathered what we could, then retreated back after burning the village. We were 50 miles away from the nearest bases when we were ambushed. It was the patrol we saw the day before, turns out they had been tracking us.

We thought we were ok, we had them out numbered but the battle took a bad turn my men started to drop like flies, I called in back up but they were five minutes away when things got savage. The enemy broke into our bases and one by one they killed my men, the healthy and the already wounded and defenseless men. I managed to hold a group back with two of my best soldiers as the chopper arrived. Got in and we tried to load some men In but I watched as Claude was shot n the skull and fell, he was from Berlin and just a kid only 17. I tried to get my other man in one life was better than none, I grabbed his hand and was pulling him in when he was shot through and through his blood splattered over my face and clothes and his body dragged me down too. I was the last one left, besides the poor guy we managed to save, mark from Bonn, I was overcome with grief when I realized my entire platoon, and all my men were dead. And I vaguely remember the sounds of machine guns and bombs as I was pulled into the chopper.

We got back to bases and I was seen to, I told them what happened and they told me it wasn't my fault. Later that week I went to check on mark from Bonn in the hospital wing, they told me he died in his sleep his body just couldn't recover, I really was the only one that survived the massacre, and it was all my fault I happened. They sent me home with a couple of medals and then I started drinking, the rest is well history.

Even now I'm shaking, the blood and the sounds and their faces haunt me every time I close my eyes. Doctor Kirkland says we are going to start some intense therapy and I f we can work through this then we are half way there. I hope he's right. Good night ~~~~Ludwig

I woke up again this morning and worked out a lot in the gym as often as I could, I had a lot on my mind, mostly the war and what I was going to write today and yes I found myself thinking of Anna, Alexandra's baby girl. I wondered about her she was so young as was her mother, who was her father? Did she even have a father figure in her life? I kept asking myself this as I worked out and in group I expressed these thoughts.

"So Ludwig what is on your mind today?" doctor Kirkland's accent pulled me from my thoughts. "well I have been thinking a lot about the war, but today I find myself distracted by a girl" I told him "what girl mister beildschmidt?" he seemed intrigued. "Well her name is Antoinette, she is Alexandra's daughter. I met her at the hospital." I explained to the group all about her and what she was like. "So what about her has been bothering you?" I could hear something in Kirkland's voice that told me he discovered a theory. "Well she is so young, and so is Alexandra, I was wondering who Anna's father was, where he is, and why he's not in her life. I also wondered if she had a father figure. Someone to teacher her and protect her when Alex can't you know?" I said a smile formed on his face.

"Wow Ludwig you sound like a fussy mother hen." Came the voice of my roommate, his name was Antonio; he is a recovering sex addict. "Well every child deserves a father in their life" I said a sharply and Kirkland scrawled something. After group was broke up I head back to my room doctor Kirkland followed as did Antonio.

~~~~~pov author~~~~~~

The trio closed themselves into the room, Kirkland sat on the edge of Ludwig's bed. "Ludwig I want to know about your father." The blonde Englishman stated bluntly Antonio paying avid attention. "Ok, but why is he here?" the blue eyed male asked confused. "I'm here to help if docs theory is proven correct" he said his Spanish accent was calming and very cheery, Ludwig found he liked it. "Ludwig lie on the bed and tell me about your father" the green eyed man pulled out his file for Ludwig which was getting bigger all the time. The German male obeyed like a good soldier and closed his eyes picturing his father. "Well I remember he looked like me, he had short hair like mine and my blue eyes. However one day he disappeared after a drunken fight with my mother, she died a few years later, my brother how is 7 years older, he raised me when we went to live with my cousin Rodrich, who is now my next door neighbor, I know his wife elizabetha through Gilbert they used to date. But I guess my real father was never there in my life I've always been on my own, Gilbert had to go to school and he even went to college so he could take care of my financial needs with a good job. I consider Gilbert more of a father then a brother, even though he is an annoying dick." Ludwig couldn't stop the words pouring from his lips and when it was over he realized something. "I have father issues?" he said the doctor shook his head. "Nope my good chap you are ok there I was just curious, you have handled it well and so my concern there is over, you have a fatherly like instinct for Anna, but now Antonio, tell him what the underlying issues is." The tanned man stood up and got in Ludwig's face.

"You have a dying need to protect, and be a hero, to do that you have to create an outlet, you use Anna as the excuse but really, the person you most want to protect is her mother Alexandra." He said with a grin. Ludwig gave him a look. "Why would I want to protect her, besides the obvious I owe her my life?" he said folding his arms across his chest. "It's simple Ludwig; you are in love with her." The doctor nodded, "I have come to the conclusion as well. Your drinking Is a result of the war no doubt but your drug problem stems from your dying need to be near Alexandra, you felt you owed her but didn't know how to so you decided you would get closer, again not knowing how you turned to drugs. You have been here for awhile Ludwig; I was hoping you would have known this by now." The room went silent

"I did tell her you know, but I was in a drug induced haze." He told him. "Alex was here at one time, she was a horrid alcoholic but she got better and in two years got her daughter back, I have some letters that she has wrote to you but I have with held them till now I want you to read them and then when you are ready we are going to solve this war problem. And I f all goes well you could be out of here sooner than you think."

Ludwig read letter after letter and as they progressed he learned all about Alex's violent and bloody drunken past and he also learned that she did in fact love him. He decided then to work harder than ever. And so over the next five months he worked out his battles someday better than others. He built his mind up to its former glory and he soon matched it with his mental health, Alexandra and Anna were able to visit and they grew closer, until it was the last week of Ludwig's rehab. Everyone was happy that week feli, kiku, Antonio, and now Ludwig would be leaving all having recovered with the help of each other and doc Kirkland. Arthur and Alfred adopted a little girl they named Alison (Ohio oc ref). Then it was time for Ludwig and Alexandra to see each other. The entire time Ludwig was at the institute he kept his hair long and his appearance shabby but he decided that today he was going to look his best he had to, it was the biggest day of his life, he not only was going home but he was also going to ask the woman of his dreams a big question.

Ludwig woke up that morning hit the gym, showered and packed, and said his goodbyes. He was surprised when Arthur called him into his office. "I pulled some strings with Alfred's help and we managed to get you a military dress uniform, and some stuff for you. I wish you luck my friend and I better get an invite to the wedding." He said and Ludwig blushed, "what if she says no?" he was nervous and Kirkland laughed. "Ludwig I have known Alexandra for a long time, she is always been the hard to get kind and even though she is a nurse now she, never really has trusted others well, but she trusted you enough, despite your addiction and problem to bring you into her life, I have no doubt in my mind she will say yes." He said and patted him on the back

The hour was finally upon them, Alexandra and Anna showed up with Emma and Wilhelm all happy smiles, Gilbert showed up with elizabetha and Rodrich. Everyone was so excited to finally see Ludwig. He put the finishing touches on his uniform and looked at himself in the mirror, and he was startled by his image. Before him stood a tall handsome and muscular man, with broad shoulders and sky blue eyes, his blonde hair bright and neat. He looked just like he did before the war, and a tear slipped down his cheek, after all the hard work he had gotten better. He nodded at himself and pocketed the black box, and left the room to face his friends and family.

Everyone cheered when they saw him and he looked for one person, he spotted her, Alexandra, she was wearing her scrubs, she must have just gotten off work, next to her stood Anna In a frilly pink dress and pigtails. She stood next to Doctor Oxenstierna and nurse tino. Anna gave a squeal and ran to him. "Luddy!" she cheered and hugged his leg, everyone giggled at the cute name awhile back. The party was started and afterwards speeches were given, then it was Ludwig's turn to speak.

"Everyone it has been a long journey and I want to thank you all for being here, your support has really helped and I couldn't have done it without you guys. During my time here I got over my addictions and problems and I have even made lifelong friends, in Feliciano and kiku, as well as tonio. Today marks the day of my new life." He walked over to Alexandra who was holding Anna in her arms, she was messy her hair falling out of its pony tail and her scrubs had various stains. "Alexandra you have done more for me they anyone, despite everything I did or said you were there, always strong and always kind, you never once yelled or blamed me, you gave me a home when mine was a poison, I could never repay you. You saved my life that night on the bridge, you didn't have to but you did. Alexandra, I have had time to think here and I have gotten to know you and Anna. I have asked for so many things from you and I know I said it would be the last time when you brought me here, but I have just one more." He pulled out the black box and got down on his knee.

"Alexandra Maria Antoinette von Rosenburg, would you be my bride?" he closed his eyes and the room went silent, Anna broke the tension. "Mommy come on say yes!" the little girl huffed, Alexandra looked at him and then a t Anna then everyone in the room, they all were holding their breath. "Ludwig I would love to, but on one condition." She said firmly and he looked up at her. "You have to promise that you will be there for me like have for you, no more drugs, no more hidden memories, be the father to Antoinette that I couldn't give her. And be the best man I have always known you could be." She said. "I will Alexandra you have my word on my honor and on my life" he said and slipped the ring on her hand. He stood. "I love you so much but words are words I'll prove it with action starting with this." He cupped her face and they shared their first kiss in front of the crowded room as friends and family cheered. "Does this mean you're going to be my daddy now?" Anna asked over the fuss and everyone laughed at her cuteness. "Of course my little ducky." He took her and hugged her. "Good I was hoping you would be my daddy."

After a few months Ludwig and Alexandra got married, everyone was invited and afterwards a week later after the wedding, Alexandra learned she was pregnant; Ludwig became a worker in a building that offered help to retired or relieved soldiers. They had a son and so life goes on. Every now and again Ludwig and Alexandra would pull out their wedding photos and read their vows, they wrote their own and despite Alexandra's command of language, Ludwig's had hers beat. And the last words always chocked them up. "And I stand before you today, it is all thanks to this woman here, she makes scrubs look sexy and makes my world turn. I wouldn't be here with you all today had it not been for Alexandra. The angel who saved me."

****** Antoinette is the rep of lux. City the capital of Luxembourg their son Wolfgang is rep of Berlin. As to his father it was not Germania but holy Rome it made more sense. This is by far the longest thing I have ever written. Thank you for reading and if it made you cry I'm sorry I was sobbing too I know it seemed a little rushed but I had to didn't want to make it too long.********


	2. Chapter 2

OK GUYS IM REALLY SORRY BUT I WONT BE ABLE TO UPDATE ANY STORY UNTIL LATE AUGUST EARLY SEPTEMBER.

MY CAT SHATTERED THE SCREEN ON MY PERSONAL LAPTOP AND NOW I CANNOT USE IT AT ALL.

I HAVE UPDATES FOR BABY BREATHE AND WORKING ON EMO AND THE PUNK IDEAS

I ALSO SPAWNED A NEW IDEA FOR A USUK GERLUX STORY BASED AROUND PIRATES.

MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES GUYS AND I WILL POST THEM AS SOON AS I GET THEM BETA'D AND GET MY NEW LAPTOP

AGAIN IM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING MORE BUT MY DEPRESSION SUCKS THE CREATIVITY OUTTA ME SOMETIMES.

THANK YOU FOR YOUE LOVE AND SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS

LOVE YOU ALWAYS

LUXEMBOURG


End file.
